Once again, I just don't understand...

Why is it that bad things happen to good people? I see it everyday...

DISCLAIMER: Before you continue reading this, if you're not a religious person, this may not be the blog for you to read - I am not posting this because I have a lack of faith in God. I am posting this because I am seeking understanding from my God-fearing peers. I have a very heavy heart currently, and support, kindness, and understanding is what I really need. So, please, if you don't have anything "nice" to say, don't say anything at all.

That being said, I have seen a lot of sadness, sickness, and heartache from friends in the last few weeks, and I have no other way to describe how I feel, but to say that my heart is heavy. I feel sick with worry and grief for my friends and their families, and wish nothing more than to be able to help them - all of them. I know that I cannot do this... I feel helpless to assist these people who are struggling in their lives and it makes me so very sad to see it happening. I am one of those people that would not wish the worst situations on my enemies, so I certainly wouldn't wish them on "the righteous" - the people who do a lot of good in their lives. Although I would not wish these things on anyone, why is it that they always seem to happen to the good people? Maybe God is trying to make some sort of metaphor - "The righteous will inherit the earth", "Blessed are the poor in spirit; theirs is the kingdom of God."... The people who suffer on earth will have an eternal life in Heaven and well, you know the other side... But why make them suffer like that. If you read my last blog, I talked about Adam and Eve. Of course, I understand that pain and suffering "originated" there, but why make people suffer SO much, especially the righteous, who follow God's will and walk down his path. We all sin, we all make mistakes - we're human. God created us in His own image, but gave us free will, and expects us to make mistakes - but why "punish" those who are trying; those who realize their mistakes and strive to do better? I know that our God is loving and caring, but it seems cruel to me, that He would place these horrible burdens on the people that follow Him...

Please say a prayer for all those in your life that are struggling, that God will protect them and give them peace and comfort.

All at your own risk...

Talk to me, be around me, don't talk to me, don't be around me... All at your own risk today...

I am a hormonal mess. There's no two ways around it - I'm a mess. I am a ball in motion that cannot be stopped (somebody please build a cement blockade so I can stop rolling!!). The last few weeks have been pretty stressful for us. Charles is in campaign mode right now (lots of extra hours at work), I have an umbilical hernia and face surgery if an emergency situation were to arise in the next few weeks, I'm 4 1/2 months pregnant, and have 2 toddlers at home. I know, lots of people do these things - maybe even more kids or other complications. Most days are okay, BUT, there are some days that the hormones just take over. It's like an out-of-body experiece. I stand over myself, watching in awe (not really a good kind of awe either; more like "Really?!") I look at myself from the outside and want to shout out "Hey! You, idiot! You're being ridiculous!!" Fact of the matter is, I know it's ridiculous, I just can't seem to help it. Pregnancy is such a miraculous thing. I think about the growing life inside of me and I'm filled with awe (the good kind this time)! I can't believe that I am so very blessed. I wonder why though, God felt it necessary to change all the hormones around so much and make pregnancy, at times, a rather difficult experience. He can do anything, right? I understand the whole Adam and Eve thing where pain and sorrow were given... I get it - but there's some pretty crazy things that happen during pregnancy. Whatever the reasoning, I will never know - it's not mine to understand and it never will be. I trust in God; now I just need to try and let it go. If my hormones will let me, that is ;)

I don't need a break... I'm super-mom! Or am I...

Hello to all! I hope that this note finds you all happy and healthy!

To start, Happy Spring!!! I cannot even begin to express the joy that comes into my heart thinking of Spring - gardening, seeds, potting soil, fresh fruits and vegetables, blooms on the trees, the smell of fresh cut grass, lounging on the front porch, walks down the street with a gentle breeze (or today, winds that will knock small children down, lol), and in general new life and a fresh start. All of these things bring a smile to my face and warm my heart. I do however, have an occasional bad day - EVEN in the Spring. Afterall, I am only human!

Today seems to be one of those days...

We haven't spent any time at home the last 2 weekends in a row, 1 of the kiddos has been fighting an ear infection AND teething, and we haven't had but 1 decent's night sleep in the last 2 weeks... This really wears on a person.
I looked out the window this morning and saw that my darling husband had taken the trash down to the curb for me like he always does on Friday's. A couple hours later, I heard the trash truck. I glance out the window as it is driving by our house.... Yes, I said driving BY our house. "Why in the world is the trash truck not stopping? Our dumpster is sitting right there (as well as some other bags and folded cardboard boxes)." I called the trash company, and they pulled up my account. I had forgotten to make the payment, so our service is "on hold". UGH! It's really not that big of a deal - they hadn't picked up the can yet, I made the payment (the money was set aside for it already, just waiting on ME), and our service will resume next week with no additional penalties... BUT, it's really eating away at me and quite frankly, makes me feel inadequate - as a mother, as a wife, as a home-maker... I always try to be that "Super-mom" because I feel like that's who I need to be, but fact of the matter is, even super-mom's make mistakes and need a break sometime.
What I can do at this point, is say a prayer and try not to let it bother me - I'm the controller of my emotions and I can choose what upsets me and what doesn't! Sometimes that's easier said than done, but it MUST BE DONE! If I am to move on from this seemingly simple mistake that caused zero incovenience besides bringing the dumpster and a couple extra bags up to the house, I need to make the decision to let it go...

I feel a bit better already, just knowing what needs to be done to solve my feeling of inadequacy! Although, I'm sure a good night's sleep wouldn't hurt either ;)
Peace and love to you all!

You wake her, you take her!

We have a general rule in our house, regarding us, our 2 girls, and any other visitors - you wake her, you take her!! With Catriona, who just turned 1 this past Christmas Eve, this rule is strictly enforced, simply due to the fact that she does not sleep well. People have kindly given "advice" on how to get her to sleep better. While this advice is given with good intention and love, it is not beneficial - not because it is bad advice, but because we have already tried it! You name it, we've tried it. With Cambria, who just turned 3 a couple weeks ago, the process to get her to sleep during the night and at naptime, and go to sleep on her own, was not nearly so complicated. That's saying a lot, because she was our first baby, and everything is harder the first time, right? Wrong... At 5 months old (with the exception of growth spurts, teething episodes, or colds), Cambria was sleeping through the night, with regular naptimes during the day (sometimes in my lap), and by 7-8 months, was going to sleep in her crib - by herself. We didn't have to rock her to sleep or give her a bottle to fall asleep with in a lap at that point. We laid her down and she went to sleep. End of story. Catriona seems to be... hmmmm... how can I put this nicely... high maintenance. In the first few months, it's very easy to just let baby sleep with you or right next to you in the bassinet, which is what we did. At 5 months old, she had outgrown her bassinet and it was time to move her to the crib, which every mother dreads. Duhn-duhn-duhn!!! THE CRIB! Previous to moving her to the crib, she was still waking up several times during the night. Sometimes she wanted a bottle, sometimes she wanted to be held, sometimes she wanted to play... The list goes on and on. We hoped that moving her into her own bed in her own room would help all of us sleep better. So, with high hopes and thoughts of good sleep, we moved her. Little did we know what we were in for. From that time on, it was a constant changing of schedules every couple of weeks, trying new things, to try to get her to sleep better at night. We would try a new schedule for a week or two, and when it failed (which it always did), we tried something else. We tried changing her diet, her formula, the amount of formula we were giving her, the amount of solids we were giving her, we tried changing her naptime schedule, we tried different bedtime routines, we tried lotion, we tried massage, we tried letting her "cry it out," we tried laying her down on her back, on her side, on her tummy, facing one way in the crib, then another... Are you tired yet, because I sure am!! Just talking about it wears me out! Around the time that Catriona turned 11 months old (right around Thanksgiving and moving to our new house), we gave up. We haven't tried to change anything else. Her diet is normal, her naptimes are normal, the amount of formula (now milk) is normal - she just doesn't sleep well... When we stopped trying to change things, she was still waking up 3-5 times during the night, but was finally starting to go back to sleep on her own (after 20-30 minutes of fussing around, that is). That was an improvement, but still not very good - waking up that often in the middle of the night and staying awake for 30 minutes each time is miserable! Then of course, once you finally get back to sleep, she wakes up again. I can happily say, that over the last month (yes, after she turned 1), we have been able to sleep (mostly) through the night! She wakes up once or twice, but is typically back to sleep in 10-15 minutes! I have still been holding her during naptime and getting her to go to sleep in my arms at night, and then I lay her down... This sleeping process has been dragged out for so long, simply because she's not a good sleeper! I laid her down for her nap today, fully expecting Cambria not to get a nap, and Catriona to not get a nap because of the fussing. After 1/2 an hour of crying, screaming, fussing, and 3 trips in to lay her back down, she finally went to sleep - on her own, by herself, and slept for an hour and a half!!! VICTORY!! This may not seem like such a big deal to many mothers, but for this mother who has not had a decent night's sleep in... I don't even know, this is monumental! My "baby" who is actually a toddler at this point, is finally starting to sleep! After trying for so long, trying so many different things, and trying SO hard, I have realized that this has nothing to do with me - it just shows how very different children are! Just because one child sleeps doesn't mean that the next one will or just because one child has horrible acid reflux (Cambria) doesn't mean that the next one will (Catriona)! For a while, I felt like somehow, it was my fault, like I wasn't doing a good enough job. The pediatrician just kept reminding me, SOME KIDS JUST DON'T SLEEP WELL!!! SHE'LL GROW OUT OF IT EVENTUALLY!!! It's a lot easier to heed advice like that when you're not completely sleep-deprived! I now know, that of course, he was correct, and that at least for the time being, she has "grown out of it."
I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday season and that you are well!
Lots of love,
Carrie