Thursday, September 15, 2011

All at your own risk...

Talk to me, be around me, don't talk to me, don't be around me... All at your own risk today...

I am a hormonal mess. There's no two ways around it - I'm a mess. I am a ball in motion that cannot be stopped (somebody please build a cement blockade so I can stop rolling!!). The last few weeks have been pretty stressful for us. Charles is in campaign mode right now (lots of extra hours at work), I have an umbilical hernia and face surgery if an emergency situation were to arise in the next few weeks, I'm 4 1/2 months pregnant, and have 2 toddlers at home. I know, lots of people do these things - maybe even more kids or other complications. Most days are okay, BUT, there are some days that the hormones just take over. It's like an out-of-body experiece. I stand over myself, watching in awe (not really a good kind of awe either; more like "Really?!") I look at myself from the outside and want to shout out "Hey! You, idiot! You're being ridiculous!!" Fact of the matter is, I know it's ridiculous, I just can't seem to help it. Pregnancy is such a miraculous thing. I think about the growing life inside of me and I'm filled with awe (the good kind this time)! I can't believe that I am so very blessed. I wonder why though, God felt it necessary to change all the hormones around so much and make pregnancy, at times, a rather difficult experience. He can do anything, right? I understand the whole Adam and Eve thing where pain and sorrow were given... I get it - but there's some pretty crazy things that happen during pregnancy. Whatever the reasoning, I will never know - it's not mine to understand and it never will be. I trust in God; now I just need to try and let it go. If my hormones will let me, that is ;)

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