Once again, I just don't understand...

Why is it that bad things happen to good people? I see it everyday...

DISCLAIMER: Before you continue reading this, if you're not a religious person, this may not be the blog for you to read - I am not posting this because I have a lack of faith in God. I am posting this because I am seeking understanding from my God-fearing peers. I have a very heavy heart currently, and support, kindness, and understanding is what I really need. So, please, if you don't have anything "nice" to say, don't say anything at all.

That being said, I have seen a lot of sadness, sickness, and heartache from friends in the last few weeks, and I have no other way to describe how I feel, but to say that my heart is heavy. I feel sick with worry and grief for my friends and their families, and wish nothing more than to be able to help them - all of them. I know that I cannot do this... I feel helpless to assist these people who are struggling in their lives and it makes me so very sad to see it happening. I am one of those people that would not wish the worst situations on my enemies, so I certainly wouldn't wish them on "the righteous" - the people who do a lot of good in their lives. Although I would not wish these things on anyone, why is it that they always seem to happen to the good people? Maybe God is trying to make some sort of metaphor - "The righteous will inherit the earth", "Blessed are the poor in spirit; theirs is the kingdom of God."... The people who suffer on earth will have an eternal life in Heaven and well, you know the other side... But why make them suffer like that. If you read my last blog, I talked about Adam and Eve. Of course, I understand that pain and suffering "originated" there, but why make people suffer SO much, especially the righteous, who follow God's will and walk down his path. We all sin, we all make mistakes - we're human. God created us in His own image, but gave us free will, and expects us to make mistakes - but why "punish" those who are trying; those who realize their mistakes and strive to do better? I know that our God is loving and caring, but it seems cruel to me, that He would place these horrible burdens on the people that follow Him...

Please say a prayer for all those in your life that are struggling, that God will protect them and give them peace and comfort.

All at your own risk...

Talk to me, be around me, don't talk to me, don't be around me... All at your own risk today...

I am a hormonal mess. There's no two ways around it - I'm a mess. I am a ball in motion that cannot be stopped (somebody please build a cement blockade so I can stop rolling!!). The last few weeks have been pretty stressful for us. Charles is in campaign mode right now (lots of extra hours at work), I have an umbilical hernia and face surgery if an emergency situation were to arise in the next few weeks, I'm 4 1/2 months pregnant, and have 2 toddlers at home. I know, lots of people do these things - maybe even more kids or other complications. Most days are okay, BUT, there are some days that the hormones just take over. It's like an out-of-body experiece. I stand over myself, watching in awe (not really a good kind of awe either; more like "Really?!") I look at myself from the outside and want to shout out "Hey! You, idiot! You're being ridiculous!!" Fact of the matter is, I know it's ridiculous, I just can't seem to help it. Pregnancy is such a miraculous thing. I think about the growing life inside of me and I'm filled with awe (the good kind this time)! I can't believe that I am so very blessed. I wonder why though, God felt it necessary to change all the hormones around so much and make pregnancy, at times, a rather difficult experience. He can do anything, right? I understand the whole Adam and Eve thing where pain and sorrow were given... I get it - but there's some pretty crazy things that happen during pregnancy. Whatever the reasoning, I will never know - it's not mine to understand and it never will be. I trust in God; now I just need to try and let it go. If my hormones will let me, that is ;)

I don't need a break... I'm super-mom! Or am I...

Hello to all! I hope that this note finds you all happy and healthy!

To start, Happy Spring!!! I cannot even begin to express the joy that comes into my heart thinking of Spring - gardening, seeds, potting soil, fresh fruits and vegetables, blooms on the trees, the smell of fresh cut grass, lounging on the front porch, walks down the street with a gentle breeze (or today, winds that will knock small children down, lol), and in general new life and a fresh start. All of these things bring a smile to my face and warm my heart. I do however, have an occasional bad day - EVEN in the Spring. Afterall, I am only human!

Today seems to be one of those days...

We haven't spent any time at home the last 2 weekends in a row, 1 of the kiddos has been fighting an ear infection AND teething, and we haven't had but 1 decent's night sleep in the last 2 weeks... This really wears on a person.
I looked out the window this morning and saw that my darling husband had taken the trash down to the curb for me like he always does on Friday's. A couple hours later, I heard the trash truck. I glance out the window as it is driving by our house.... Yes, I said driving BY our house. "Why in the world is the trash truck not stopping? Our dumpster is sitting right there (as well as some other bags and folded cardboard boxes)." I called the trash company, and they pulled up my account. I had forgotten to make the payment, so our service is "on hold". UGH! It's really not that big of a deal - they hadn't picked up the can yet, I made the payment (the money was set aside for it already, just waiting on ME), and our service will resume next week with no additional penalties... BUT, it's really eating away at me and quite frankly, makes me feel inadequate - as a mother, as a wife, as a home-maker... I always try to be that "Super-mom" because I feel like that's who I need to be, but fact of the matter is, even super-mom's make mistakes and need a break sometime.
What I can do at this point, is say a prayer and try not to let it bother me - I'm the controller of my emotions and I can choose what upsets me and what doesn't! Sometimes that's easier said than done, but it MUST BE DONE! If I am to move on from this seemingly simple mistake that caused zero incovenience besides bringing the dumpster and a couple extra bags up to the house, I need to make the decision to let it go...

I feel a bit better already, just knowing what needs to be done to solve my feeling of inadequacy! Although, I'm sure a good night's sleep wouldn't hurt either ;)
Peace and love to you all!

You wake her, you take her!

We have a general rule in our house, regarding us, our 2 girls, and any other visitors - you wake her, you take her!! With Catriona, who just turned 1 this past Christmas Eve, this rule is strictly enforced, simply due to the fact that she does not sleep well. People have kindly given "advice" on how to get her to sleep better. While this advice is given with good intention and love, it is not beneficial - not because it is bad advice, but because we have already tried it! You name it, we've tried it. With Cambria, who just turned 3 a couple weeks ago, the process to get her to sleep during the night and at naptime, and go to sleep on her own, was not nearly so complicated. That's saying a lot, because she was our first baby, and everything is harder the first time, right? Wrong... At 5 months old (with the exception of growth spurts, teething episodes, or colds), Cambria was sleeping through the night, with regular naptimes during the day (sometimes in my lap), and by 7-8 months, was going to sleep in her crib - by herself. We didn't have to rock her to sleep or give her a bottle to fall asleep with in a lap at that point. We laid her down and she went to sleep. End of story. Catriona seems to be... hmmmm... how can I put this nicely... high maintenance. In the first few months, it's very easy to just let baby sleep with you or right next to you in the bassinet, which is what we did. At 5 months old, she had outgrown her bassinet and it was time to move her to the crib, which every mother dreads. Duhn-duhn-duhn!!! THE CRIB! Previous to moving her to the crib, she was still waking up several times during the night. Sometimes she wanted a bottle, sometimes she wanted to be held, sometimes she wanted to play... The list goes on and on. We hoped that moving her into her own bed in her own room would help all of us sleep better. So, with high hopes and thoughts of good sleep, we moved her. Little did we know what we were in for. From that time on, it was a constant changing of schedules every couple of weeks, trying new things, to try to get her to sleep better at night. We would try a new schedule for a week or two, and when it failed (which it always did), we tried something else. We tried changing her diet, her formula, the amount of formula we were giving her, the amount of solids we were giving her, we tried changing her naptime schedule, we tried different bedtime routines, we tried lotion, we tried massage, we tried letting her "cry it out," we tried laying her down on her back, on her side, on her tummy, facing one way in the crib, then another... Are you tired yet, because I sure am!! Just talking about it wears me out! Around the time that Catriona turned 11 months old (right around Thanksgiving and moving to our new house), we gave up. We haven't tried to change anything else. Her diet is normal, her naptimes are normal, the amount of formula (now milk) is normal - she just doesn't sleep well... When we stopped trying to change things, she was still waking up 3-5 times during the night, but was finally starting to go back to sleep on her own (after 20-30 minutes of fussing around, that is). That was an improvement, but still not very good - waking up that often in the middle of the night and staying awake for 30 minutes each time is miserable! Then of course, once you finally get back to sleep, she wakes up again. I can happily say, that over the last month (yes, after she turned 1), we have been able to sleep (mostly) through the night! She wakes up once or twice, but is typically back to sleep in 10-15 minutes! I have still been holding her during naptime and getting her to go to sleep in my arms at night, and then I lay her down... This sleeping process has been dragged out for so long, simply because she's not a good sleeper! I laid her down for her nap today, fully expecting Cambria not to get a nap, and Catriona to not get a nap because of the fussing. After 1/2 an hour of crying, screaming, fussing, and 3 trips in to lay her back down, she finally went to sleep - on her own, by herself, and slept for an hour and a half!!! VICTORY!! This may not seem like such a big deal to many mothers, but for this mother who has not had a decent night's sleep in... I don't even know, this is monumental! My "baby" who is actually a toddler at this point, is finally starting to sleep! After trying for so long, trying so many different things, and trying SO hard, I have realized that this has nothing to do with me - it just shows how very different children are! Just because one child sleeps doesn't mean that the next one will or just because one child has horrible acid reflux (Cambria) doesn't mean that the next one will (Catriona)! For a while, I felt like somehow, it was my fault, like I wasn't doing a good enough job. The pediatrician just kept reminding me, SOME KIDS JUST DON'T SLEEP WELL!!! SHE'LL GROW OUT OF IT EVENTUALLY!!! It's a lot easier to heed advice like that when you're not completely sleep-deprived! I now know, that of course, he was correct, and that at least for the time being, she has "grown out of it."
I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday season and that you are well!
Lots of love,
Carrie

Well, it's certainly been a long couple of weeks... month.... year... It's hard to believe that small fry will be 3 in January and tater tot will be 1 in December! Along with all the big birthday excitement, we are in the process of moving - and all of the "joys" that go along with that, and of course, the holidays are directly around the corner. The last few weeks have been a little stressful, to say the least, and I'm more than ready for our move to be done and the holidays over; I hate to sound like a scrooge, but I'm really just ready for things to settle back down! Things are stressful enough this time of year with Thanksgiving preparations, Christmas shopping, traveling, and in our family, baby birthdays! Not to mention, the additional cost that comes with all of that... That being said, I have been trying to pack as much as possible with 2 small children clinging to me the whole time, trying to line up new services like telephone and internet, and transferring other services such as gas and electricity, all the while, the nagging thought of all of the extra expenses on top of the holidays - birthdays, moving costs, double utilities, deposits for new services, etc. I know that this time of year is stressful for most people, especially in light of the current economy, but that doesn't make me feel much better right now! Knowing that we have a lot more than some, however, does make me feel better :)

I called AT&T this morning. We currently have AT&T U-verse and we love it, however, only the AT&T U-verse internet is available at our new address. The telephone and television will follow, but just aren't available right now. I spoke with Jason at 1 number, made an order for u-verse internet and regular AT&T telephone. I was then given a 2nd number to call and confirm the orders. I spoke with Ricardo. Ricardo wanted to charge me $100 for the modem and Jason had told me that b/c we already had att u-verse, that we could just use our same modem. Ricardo then took off the hundred dollar charge for equipment. I proceeded with Ricardo to get our home phone set up. Well, Ricardo didn't have the ability to "port" our same phone number, so he gave me another number to call... At this point, I had been on the phone for an hour. I called the 3rd number and got to speak with Tony. I had to explain everything from phone call 1 and 2 with Tony. He was confused as well. I told him that Jason had told me that we could use our modem that we already had for the internet and that Ricardo waived the $100 equip. fee. "Oh dear, well, that's not how that works... Because you have a bundle package, your equipment is leased - it's not yours - you have to give it back. Which means, Ricardo "waived" your equipment fee and at the same time, "waived" your equipment." Okay, so am I going to have to pay the $100 equipment fee? You know what, if that's the case, I don't want to do this today, because quite frankly, I don't have the money to spend on that right now - the ONLY reason that I went on ahead and signed up for this particular internet service was because we enjoy the service, and the equipment fee was waived.... SO, let's just go ahead and cancel this order! "Well, since you were told incorrectly, I'll go ahead and fix this for you, but it will take me a while to do. I have to e-mail Ricardo and get him to change the order and fix it himself. Once he fixes the order, you'll have a new confirmation number and he will call you back within 24-48 hours. Can you hold please?" Okay, so Tony was super nice and was obviously dedicated to helping me out, but I had been on the phone forever, I had 2 kids that were beyond restless, and I was really tired of talking to them. In spite of all that, I stayed on the phone to give them the chance to fix it (we hadn't even gotten to the telephone issue yet)... Tony gets back on the phone and says that Ricardo will get back with me and that he noted everything in my account. Okay, now on to the telephone - which should be pretty easy, right? WRONG. All that needs to happen with the telephone, is that Monday, November 22nd, the day that I requested, a tech would come out and turn the box on on the pole in the backyard and I would plug my phone in. My current phone service at the house that I'm currently in, would be "suspended" and on Tuesday, after my home phone number is switched over to my new address, I call and cancel all services. That shouldn't be anything difficult!! I guess I couldn't be more incorrect on this issue. He got me set up for Monday set-up at the new house and said that he would personally call on Tuesday or Wednesday (as soon as the information cleared my current account) and that we would cancel the rest of the services at my current address. Great!! Thanks Tony for straightening everything out! yeah, not so much... Charles calls me about 20 minutes later, saying that someone called him on his cell (which is not the primary number listed) and wants to confirm our telephone service at the new address on Thursday the 18th... NO!!! What is so difficult about all of this?!?! I then call att back, and talk to somebody - I didn't even listen to the name. I try to explain the entire situation to "somebody" and he's confused as well. He then proceeds to tell me that he can't look up the order for the telephone at all, because he only deals with U-verse, even though it was the same number that I called when I talked to Tony, who supposedly set up my u-verse internet order and my regular att telephone order. Okay, fine "somebody", if you can't help me with that, can you at least tell me if my internet order is correct and go ahead and confirm the set-up date with me? "Yeah, let me pull that up... well... all I can see is your current bill." What do you mean my current bill? You mean for the services that I *currently* have? at such-in-such address?! "Yeeeeeeeeeesssss..." NO!!!!! I'm not calling to ask about my current set-up, I have an ORDER that's supposed to be processing!!!!! What is going on here?! He said that the system was undergoing an update and that he was having problems pulling things up... I get the joy of calling them back when my husband gets home. At least then I won't have kids hanging on me, and I can yell at these idiots in peace! Oh, to top it all off, I was going to call and pay some bills this afternoon, and my oldest daughter, God love her, stole my wallet and hid it. I found it, but it's too late to make my calls now. I'm just done today, and probably for tomorrow as well, but I've just got to keep on keepin' on! Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day; GOD, I hope tomorrow is a better day!!

Hello again! For the cleansing of my soul (and more likely, my brain), and a little bit of reminiscing, I am already writing again! We've had several very busy weeks! My hubby's family was in town for almost a week at the end of June, we celebrated my hubby's birthday and my dad's birthday the following weekend, and we went out of town for the 4th of July. It was rather nice to have some vacation time! Charles took 1/2 day off on Friday, had off Sat., Sun., and Mon. with holiday pay, and took off thatTuesday as well! So, we had a 4 1/2 days off with only 1 1/2 days of vaca filed - AMAZING!!! As I mentioned in my last blog, vacation time, evenings home, and weekends off are a new thing for us and we will not take it for granted!! At the last job, the schedule changed daily and weekly, was spiratic, hectic, stressful, and I'll just put it out there - stupid. One day's schedule was noon to 10 pm; the following day was 7am to 6pm; the next day was 4am to 1pm; next day off; no, wait, nevermind... That was the norm with the "old job" and we are certainly enjoying new-found freedoms :)
On another note, our oldest daughter will be 2 1/2 on the 23rd, and our "baby" will be 7 months on the 24th! It's hard to believe that they are that big already and that Charles and I are getting ready to celebrate 7 years of marriage.

I knew when I was a young girl that I wanted a husband, and I wanted a family! I've always kind of wanted a large family (we're reevaluating that now, lol), but a family - me, with the love of my life, a dog, and a few kids... I never had any idea what kind of impact these things would have on my life, and they continue to surprise me and leave me in awe, everyday of my life.

I remember asking my mom when I was little "how do you know you've met the right person? the one you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with?" and she always gave me the same answer - "you'll just know." "BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW?" "you just will..."

When I met Charles, I was not looking for a boyfriend, nor romance of any kind, or anything else in particular, but he showed up in my life when I needed him most...

I moved away to college in August of 2002. Like many new college students, I found myself being a little... how would one say... rambunctious, maybe? I had finally graduated high school and wanted to live it up, so I did! I had a wonderful time; through the 1st semester anyway. I got really sick before 1st semester was over, and had to drop a couple of classes. I had a lymph node in my groin pop up to the size of an egg, saw multiple doctors, had lots of shots and labwork done, but no one could figure out what was wrong with me. I was convinced that I had cancer and was dying, until I visited a surgeon, who finally helped me. The lymph node itself was infected and had to be "taken care of." I won't go into details, but it was very painful and there was most definitely a recovery process that has left a scar on me; both my body and my memory. The surgeon suggested that I go see a gynecologist b/c it was possible that something else was going on... just what I needed at that time... something else wrong health-wise. I found myself falling into a dark place and had told my parents that I was moving home the next semester and was going to take some time off from school. Then, next thing I know, a teacher and dear friend of mine was killed by a drunk driver, on a trip that I didn't go on, because I was sick. There were several of us students that were in Randy's vocal studio that were very close to him, and we were all asked to come and help clean out his office. Possibly one of the hardest things I've ever done... The director of the music building opened his office door, and I started to cry. I was miserable and felt hopeless. I just wanted everything to be better; and then I felt it - arms around me in a warm embrace from, in all practical terms, a stranger. I knew who Charles was, and had met him in passing, but had never really spoken to him and I certainly didn't know him very well. When his arms were around me, I felt safe, like nothing could touch me. Charles and I were inseperable after that day. I thank God everyday for Charles and how we met, because he pulled me up from the dark place that was eating me. Soon after we started officially dating, I made the visit that the surgeon had recommended, and received "abnormal results" and had to make multiple trips for biopsies, cell removal, and check-ups over the next 3 years. Charles was my rock and still is! We started "officially" dating November of 2002, Charles asked my dad on Christmas day (2002) if he could marry me, the ring was purchased in January of 2003, the proposal/engagement February 15th 2003, and our beautiful wedding was August 30, 2003! Yes, your math is right; we did not even date a full year before we were married! Everyone thought we were crazy... but, I just knew... We miss Randy terribly, but he was the one who brought us together and has made it possible for me to have everything I've ever wanted - a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful children! We've been through a lot over the last 7 years, and that's putting it mildly - the cancerous cells were only the beginning of our windy path- but I wouldn't change any of it! I love you sweetheart and I love the beautiful babies we've been blessed with! Thank you for everything!
I hope you are all having a safe and fun summer! Cherish your loved ones and remember to thank God for them everyday! He knows what we need and He provides!
Much love,
Carrie

The beginning...

Hello to everyone! I hope that this note finds you all happy and healthy! It has been a very long time since I've blogged, so bare with me; I may be just a bit rusty. Many things have changed since the last time I wrote... I'm coming up on my 7-year wedding anniversary (in August), we had our 2nd beautiful daughter this past Christmas Eve, we got a reliable car, my husband got a new job, and we have a new-found-appreciation for weekends and holidays now; seeing as they didn't exist at the old job. Overall things are wonderful; however, we find ourselves struggling to find a balance in life. One may beg the question: "How do you eliminate stress?" Simplify things... "How do you simplify things?" and that is the mother of all questions in my mind currently. How DO you simplify things? Not just material or tangible things, but everything. I look at my surroundings, and we have so much... stuff. That's all it is, is stuff! Of course, we have 2 small children, so a lot of the "stuff" that we have is not necessary persay, but it is very beneficial. We have a bouncy seat with soothing vibrations that is perfect for a baby who has been fussing for hours and won't go to sleep... we have a toddler-sized kitchen that occasionally gets played with, but is used more often for hiding food or sippy cups (we've thrown several away)... we have a cedar chest that holds keepsakes, but has toys and books stacked on top of it, so we can't be "reminiscent" on a whim... we have a coffee table, that catches dvd boxes and mail... 8 throw pillows for the couch that don't get used... and the list of these sort of things goes on and on... You could walk in my house and notice them all, but what about the things you can't "see?" Normal, everyday stress from the job (which includes stay-at-home mom for me)... anxiety about the things that always pop up at the most inopportune times (a brand-new tire needing a patch from running over a nail)... having a schedule, which is important, but it feels like it runs your life... the opportunity to plan things ahead, which, again, is a new-found-freedom, but ALWAYS having plans set... and last but not least, finding some quiet time for myself, and completely seperately, time with my husband - my best friend, who was there in the beginning, of this wonderful and crazy stage of my life. So, we can simplify tangible things in our life by purging and cleaning them out - have a garage sale! How about a garage sale for the mind... Maybe have a journal (or a blog as the case may be) to relieve some of that everyday stress from your job; have understanding, patience, and a touch of lacksidasicalness to realize that things like the patched tire are just a part of life and happen to everyone - always at the worst times; have a schedule, but throw something new in every once in a while - spontanaiety is still widely used and accepted; have plans - sometimes - but other times, just go with the flow; and most importantly, MAKE time for yourself and for you and your spouse; even if it does have to be scheduled, and always remember, to just BREATHE!! Stop and smell the roses, even if it's not in your plans - you might miss the beauty of the things that are right in front of you, if you don't MAKE the time!